Meeting Notes with Morgan O'Hara, Dec 4th 2015

COMMITMENT issues. Your YES is only as good as your NO.

Morgan has challenged me to work with one movement directive for a whole week and see where it leads. I’ve been operating with NO BOUNDARIES for a little while, which really means not acknowledging my boundaries, because surely I have them (ie/ not injuring myself for example).

I knew this was a good idea because it made me super agitated and cagey. Pare things down continually, and accept it as the whole. If I can accept one movement idea as my whole world, then something will open. I agree. But it HURRRRRTSSSS!

The whole point of an MFA is to be challenged to find out what things are essential to me (meaning: have a feeling of completeness, or an understanding), and don’t spend a whole year doing what I already know. This has been my problem for some time now. I really like amplification, frenetic movement, and constant shifting, but it’s getting me nowhere fast. Actually, it’s making me really tired.

But maybe these things are essential. I think amplification is, and also ambiguity, and exhaustion. Morgan also brought up entertainment. I’m actually a clown at heart, primarily because of its necessary level of vulnerability. However, recognize when I’m entertaining myself, and when it’s for the viewer.

What’s there, what HAS to be said, and don’t try to say EVERYTHING. Now it’s time to diminish. I’ve got to train my critical thinking to the same degree I’ve trained my body. Be more than a gladiator.

It’s just me and the restrictions I put on myself. That’s my whole world for this week.

What’s mine, and not a variation of someone else?

For January: I want to decide on where the work is, and try to find my question.

Am I making films, or have I been using the camera as a tool to witness myself and make entertaining documentation?

Remember that each element I bring in is another 10,000 of time towards expertise.

Other thoughts/references from the Nov 15th blog:

- Black on white defines form. Look at Rorschach ink blot tests. This relates to my interest in the unconscious.

- Think about attending Min Tanaka’s Body Weather Farm at some point in my life

- The balloons: 'Rainforest' by Merce Cunningham and Andy Warhol, and look at Cunningham films for the position of the camera (the camera has agency – is there a way to bring this agency to the camera as I film myself? I thought of this last month, and tried positioning it on a rolling bucket, and turning it to autofocus so the camera decides what to focus on. Also shooting through the reflection of the balloons creates an instability of the frame. This is reminding me of my tendency to outsource agency. Re-look at Acconci's 'Following Piece')

- Peter Weltz – Retranslation 1 (look at the position of the screens in the gallery, and shooting the same footage from multiple angles)